A 13-Point Platform to Restore America

We are the 1% (and their adulators)!

The American right finds itself in a difficult situation. Although they clearly represent the true spirit of America—love of liberty, God, and free enterprise—they are forced to contend with the degenerate half of the American populace that wants only handouts, free abortion on demand, and godless Nanny State welfarism in general. With the other half of America hopelessly dependent on Obama-style socialism, what can the God-fearing American conservative movement do?

I propose the following solution: A boycott of Big Government in all its forms. Although the practice carries the stigma of association with socialist peaceniks like MLK and other so-called social activists, it is high time for the right-wing to fight fire with fire. The following steps would allow conservatives to get government off their backs once and for all.

1. Stop paying all federal, state, and municipal taxes (duh).
2. Opt out of all public services—including firemen, public roads, public utilities, public schools, Social Security, and Medicare, to name a few. (Police are okay, because they like guns and protect private property. But they definitely don't need cushy public-sector pensions!)
3. Do not patronize any company or business that has received any form of government funding. Department of Defense-related projects may be permitted, because they may help to kill psychopaths who hate us for our freedom.
4. Do not work for or invest in any business that has taken or plans to take any kind of government funding.
5. Divest from all FDIC-insured banks, and refuse to participate in government-regulated securities exchanges.
6. Do not attend or allow your children to attend any institution that receives federal funding. If you have already received a degree from such an institution, make penance by refusing to acknowledge that you have that degree.
7. Do not accept any federally-subsidized student loans.
8. Do not use telecommunications services that have benefitted from Nanny State largesse.
9. Refuse to report or hinder activity related to the sale and distribution of illegal drugs. It is a lucrative, free enterprise industry that generally supports the Second Amendment and "Stand Your Ground" rights and refuses government subsidies.
10. Refuse to live in areas with needless environmental regulations. Encourage so-called "polluters" to do business in your neighborhood where they will be free of meddlesome government oversight.
11. Refuse to recognize Marxist-inspired labor laws. Tell your employer you are okay with working less than minimum wage if he sees fit, because the market should determine your pay, not the government. Refuse government-mandated employee benefits and ignore innovation-killing OSHA regulations.
12. Do not hire illegals, or patronize businesses where they are employed.
13. Do not buy from companies that corrupt themselves by abiding by FDA regulations.

This solution kills two birds with one stone: it cuts off the hardworking conservative's support to the country's moochers and frees the right from the moral stain of participation in socialist society. Promulgate these suggestions to members of your business, country club, and church; their response will tell you whether they are true freedom-lovers, or spineless liberal Kool-Aid(R) drinkers. Those who hesitate to implement these steps should be ostracized.

Only when American conservatives unite behind a principled rejection of Big Government will they be free of the political machinations of socialists, Communists, liberal elites, Muslims, atheists, Unitarians, beatniks, hippies, welfare queens, illegal immigrants, and the rest of the sorry bunch that keeps Democrats and RINOs in office.